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COMFORT 



HEAVY LADEN. 



BY WILLIAM tJOWPER, 

MINISTER AT PERTH. 



1 



WITH SOME NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. 



PHILADELPHIA : 
PRESBYTERIAN BOARD OF PUBLICATION. 






4 



The Library 
ot Congress 



— WASHINGTON 

Ente red accunliiig, lei Aot of Fi i ingEck s, in the year 



1847, 
BY A. W. MITCHELL, 

in the Office of the Clerk of the District Court for 
the Eastern District of Pennsylvania. 



Stereotyped by S. DOUGLAS WYETH, No 7 Pear St, Philadelphia. 



RECOMMENDATION. 

To the church of God, assembling at the Countess of 
Huntingdon's Chapel, Bristol, and all who love our 
Lord Jesus Christ, in sincerity. 

Beloved in the Lord, 

Aware that many of you may with 
propriety be called " troubled souls," the 
following little dialogue appears eminently 
calculated to afford comfort to such. If 
your troubles arise from the multitude 
and magnitude of your transgressions — 
the feebleness of your faith — the power 
of your corruptions — and the strength of 
your enemies — you will find in this little 
book, many precious and suitable argu- 
ments, drawn from the word of God, to 
assist you in the exercise of faith upon 
his promises, which will serve as cordials 
to refresh your fainting spirits, and as 



IV RECOMMENDATION. 

encouragements to trust him to complete 
the work he had so graciously begun. It 
was printed about two hundred years ago, 
and may serve to show, that the Lord's 
people in former ages, were the subjects 
of the same fears and distresses as your- 
selves — that they had no other refuge but 
Jesus — and that the peculiar lesson they 
were taught, throughout their pilgrimage 
was — to grow in hatred with themselves, 
and increase in love to him. Being a 
babe myself, I have found this Dialogue 
particularly useful for these purposes, and 
now recommend it to you, after having 
first tasted the sweets it contains. 

May the Lord the Spirit accompany 
you while reading it, and abundantly 
bless it to your edification and consolation, 
prays, 

Your servant for Jesus' sake, 
JAMES SHERMAN. 



DEDICATION. 

To the Right Worshipful Sir David Murray, Knight, 
Special Gentleman of the Prince's Bed-chamber. 

It is, right worshipful, the common con- 
dition of all Christians, howsoever dis- 
joined in place, that they are militant in 
one warfare against Satan, with his prin- 
cipalities, powers, and spiritual wicked- 
ness ; whose stratagems are innumerable, 
and the manner of his assaults manifold. 
He troubleth not all God's children one 
manner of way, for so every one might 
easily espy wherein his strength lieth , 
but makes choice of the temptation, as, by 
long experience, he hath learned it may 
be most effectual to work upon our natural 
disposition. Like as, on the other hand, 
the grace by which God strengthened! 



VI DEDICATION. 

his children to resist him, is much more 
manifold, whereby they are instructed to 
use the armour of God with such variety 
of heavenly wisdom, that it is a wonder 
to see how by one and the self-same 
sentence of God's word, at sundry hands, 
sundry manner of ways, Satan is con- 
founded ; and therefore it is very needful, 
that in the spiritual warfare there should 
be a mutual intelligence among the sol- 
diers of Christ, as well for discovering of 
Satan's several sleights in assaulting — for 
the more his policy is detected, the better 
may we eschew it — as also for the mani- 
festation of God's rich mercy in assisting. 
For this cause have I been induced to 
communicate unto others these medita- 
tions, as it pleased God by experience to 
communicate them unto me ; for in the 
midst of darkness which covered the mind, 
and restless fear which disquieted the con- 
science, the Lord made them suddenly to 
break out like sparkles of light sent from 



DEDICATION. VU 

his own throne of grace, bringing with 
them light, peace, and joy, which in a 
moment removed the former fears, and 
pacified the perturbations of my troubled 
soul. As they were unto me, so I wish 
they may be means of comfort unto others; 
but I know that the same argument of 
comfort which hath comforted one in 
temptations, doth not always comfort 
another : nay, not in the self-same tempt- 
ation ; for the Lord will have his praise 
reserved to himself, that he only is the 
God of all comfort. It is not the word, 
saith David, but God by the word, that 
did quicken him, Psa. cxix. 9. Yea, the 
most comfortable promise of the gospel is 
most terrible to the troubled conscience, 
except the Lord by it work in the heart a 
sense of his mercy ; and, therefore, such 
as want comfort, let them seek it from the 
God of comfort. Nevertheless, that which 
we have, we give even as we have re- 
ceived it, that it may stand as a memorial 



Vlll DEDICATION. 

of my thankfulness to God, who showed 
his great mercy upon me, when, within 
myself, I had received the sentence of 
death ; and a testimony of my love to- 
wards them who are militant against 
Satan ; and specially of that Christian 
remembrance I have always of you in the 
Lord Jesus ; to whose grace I commend 
you now and for ever. 

Your Worship's, in the Lord Jesus, 

WILLIAM COWPER, 

MINISTER AT PERTH. 



SOME NOTICE 



REV. WILLIAM COWPER, 

BISHOP OF GALLOWAY, 

AUTHOR OF THIS BOOK. 



We cannot better gratify our readers re- 
specting an account of the excellent author 
of this little book, than by giving them 
some extracts from a memoir of his life, 
written by his own hand, in January, 
1616, about three years before his death, 
and found among the papers in his study. 
" My life hath not been such, that I am 
ashamed to live longer, if my gracious 
God have any further service to employ 
me withal in his church. Neither am I 
so desirous to live, but yet I am willing, 
and heartily content to remove out of this 
body, that I may be with my Lord, freed 

ix 



X NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. 

from these restless temptations, which on 
every side have sore pressed, but, through 
his grace, never oppressed me. 

"In my younger years I was trained 
up with the wrestlings of God ; from my 
youth I have borne his yoke, exercised 
with his terrors ; yet so, that many a 
time his sweet consolations have refreshed 
my soul. In my old days, men have 
risen against me, but without a cause. 
Betwixt these two my days are spent. 
My witness is in heaven ; he knoweth 
that in every state of life my heart was 
ever toward the Lord ; it was my joy to 
serve him, and my grief when I sinned 
against him. 

" Being of the age of eight years, about 
Martinmas I was carried by my father 
from Edinburgh to Dunbar school. I could 
not write, nor read any Latin then. I 
tarried there till my twelfth year; even 
then did the Lord begin to acquaint my 
heart to seek him. We went two and 



NOTICE OP THE AUTHOR. XI 

two to the church. He put then this 
prayer in my heart every day in the way, 
" Lord, bow mine ear, that I may hear 
thy word." In the school many a time 
have I turned on my face, seeking from 
God knowledge and understanding. In 
the space of four years and less, I learned 
the whole course of grammar, wherein 
God made me to prosper, not inferior to 
others in the company with me. 

"From thence I was called by my 
parents to Edinburgh, and in the entry 
of my thirteenth year, sent over to St. 
Andrews, and passed in course of philos- 
ophy there in the sixteenth year. There 
made I not such progress in knowledge, 
as I had done before in my other studies, 
either mine age not being capable of it, or 
my wise and merciful Father not thinking 
it expedient for me ; yet even there was 
the seed of grace still working in me, incli- 
ning me to a careful hearing and penning 
of sermons, and theological lessons, as I 



Xll NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. 

could have occasion to hear them. And 
here Satan, working in corrupt nature, 
sought many a time to trap me in his 
snares, intending in my young years to 
give me that wound, that might have 
been a mark of shame to me in my old 
age, when the Lord should call me to do 
his work. But as on the one part I felt 
my weakness compared with the strength 
of corrupt nature ; so, though then I could 
not discern it, afterward I had proof it 
was the Lord's preventing mercy that 
kept me from being an offence unto his 
church. It is his mercy that he pardoned 
the vanities and ignorances of my youth, 
and his mercy also that he preserved me 
in all my life, from any that could make 
me a shame to his saints, or a scorn and 
reproach to his enemies. 

" Having passed my course in St. An- 
drews, at the age of sixteen years, I re- 
turned to my parents in Edinburgh. I 
was pressed by them to enter into sundry 



NOTICE OP THE AUTHOR. Xlll 

sorts of life I liked not ; for my heart still 
inclined to the study of the Holy Scrip- 
tures. Whereupon I resolved to go into 
England, where I evidently perceived the 
Lord going before me, and providing for 
me at Hodsdon, within eighteen miles of 
London, my mean portion which' I had 
being all spent (I speak it to his glory that 
cared for me) in that same place. That 
same day was I desired by our kind coun- 
tryman Mr. Guthrie, to help him in the 
teaching of a school ; with whom I re- 
mained some three quarters of a year, but 
after did the Lord lead me further. For 
having occasion to go to London, without 
my knowledge, or any suit of mine, I was 
called to the service of a learned divine, 
Mr. Broughton, unto the which with the 
good will of Mr. Guthrie I entered, and 
there remained about a year and a half, 
daily exercised under him in the study of 
theology. To him under God, and some 
other learned divines of that city, do I 



Xiv NOTICE OP THE AUTHOR. 

acknowledge myself bound for these be- 
ginnings of knowledge I then received. 

" In the nineteenth year of my life I 
returned again to Edinburgh, where having 
the commodious occasion to be with my 
elder brother, then one of the ministers of 
Edinburgh, I still continued in the same 
study, and at length was required to give 
a proof of my gift privately, which I did 
in the new church in presence of Mr. 
Robert Pont, and Mr. Robert Rollock, 
with sundry others of the ministry. Then, 
after that, I was required to teach publicly 
in the new church on a Sabbath in the 
afternoon. And the next week I was 
commanded to teach publicly in the great 
church, in time of a fast, on a Thursday 
in the afternoon. Thus did the Lord train 
me up, and these were the beginnings of 
my ministry, which I recount to the praise 
of his grace, who counted me faithful, and 
put me into his service. 

" A little after that, in the beginning of 



NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. XV 

my twentieth year, there ensued a general 
assembly of the church at Edinburgh, and 
by their authority was I sent out, and ap- 
pointed pastor of Bothkenner, in Stirling- 
shire ; for that church had been desolate 
ever since the Reformation, and the people 
had given in their supplication to the 
assembly for a pastor. This calling of 
God and his church I embraced, and went 
unto them, where I found the desolation 
so great, that except the walls, which 
were ruinous also, neither door, nor win- 
dow, nor seat, nor pulpit, nor any part of 
a roof was there at all ; yet it pleased God, 
to give such a blessing to the ministry of 
his word, that their hearts thereby were 
stirred up cheerfully to build the Lord's 
house, which most willingly they fully re- 
solved within half a year, not content to 
build their own part of the house, but the 
choir also, which of due should have been 
done by the parson : (there needed here 
no letters of horning, or other coinpulsi 



XVI NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. 

tories;) neither content to have built it 
only, they adorned it within and without, 
not inferior to any other church of such 
quality round about it. This was my first 
external seal, and confirmation of my 
calling to the ministry. 

"In this service I remained seven or 
eight years, subject to great bodily infirmi- 
ties, by reason of the weakness [or marsh- 
iness] of the soil in winter, and the un- 
wholesome waters thereof. And here did 
the Lord first begin to acquaint me with 
his terrors, and the inward exercises of 
sundry sorts of temptations ; so that be- 
tween these two, my life was almost 
wasted with heaviness; yet I bless the 
Lord for it, it was unto me like the wilder- 
ness of Midi an to Moses, a school of 
temptation, whereby I learned daily more 
and more to know Christ Jesus, gathering 
some store of knowledge thereby, inward 
exercises, and outward studies, which the 



NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. XVII 

Lord afterward called me to give out in 
more public places in his church. 

" How I did carry myself in my open 
conversation, living among them, not as 
one separate from them, but mixed myself 
in all their fellowships, as a comfort to the 
best, and a wound to the worst inclined 
sort, this age will not want loving witness 
to record it. My diligence in like manner 
in the ministry, not only on the ordinary 
days, but on others, which I voluntarily 
chose thrice a week in the evening ; to wit, 
Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday, for a 
preparation to the Sabbath, (for these days 
they had no preaching in the morning) it 
would have done a Christian heart good, 
to have seen those glorious and joyful 
assemblies, to have heard the zealous 
cryings to God among that people with 
sighings and tears, melting hearts and 
mourning eyes. I speak the truth in mo- 
desty, and not all the truth. It is not 
vain-glorying, I abhor that ; not I, but 



XV1U NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. 

his grace in me. Why shall it offend 
any man, that I eat the fruit of my la- 
bour, and that my conscience this day 
enjoys the comfort of my former painful- 
ness and fidelity ? my witness is in heaven, 
that the love of Jesus and his people, 
made continual preaching my pleasure, 
and I had no such joy, as in doing his 
work. Some witnesses also I want not to 
remain. For albeit my charge was to 
teach five times in the week, yet this was 
more, that I penned thereafter, whatsoever 
I preached, whereof some are already ex- 
tant ; others, by God's grace, if the Lord 
spare my days, shall come in their time. 
And in outward things, what care I had 
to see the house of God there honoured, 
the welfare of that people every way, 
there are monuments standing to witness 
for me, when I am dead. 

" All this time, except some little inter- 
missions and breathing-times, did the Lord 
still exercise me with inward temptations. 



NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. XIX 

what a vicissitude of estates ! what 
a variety of combats ! It were tedious 
here to set them down all, as they were 
done and fought. But this I must say, 
the end of all and every one of them was 
unspeakable joy. And once for all, in 
greatest extremity of horror, and. anguish 
of spirit, when I had utterly given over, 
and looked for nothing but confusion, 
suddenly did there shine (in the very 
twinkling of an eye) the bright and light- 
some countenance of God proclaiming 
peace, and confirming peace with invin- 
cible reasons. what a change was there 
in a moment. The silly soul that was 
even now at the brink of the pit, looking 
for nothing, but to be swallowed up, was 
instantly raised up to heaven, to have joy- 
ful fellowship with God in Christ Jesus ; 
and from this day forth my soul was 
never troubled with such extremity of 
terrors. This confirmation was given me 
on a Saturday in the morning ; there found 



XX NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. 

I the power of religion, the certainty of 
the word. There was I touched with 
such a lively sense of a divinity, and 
power of the Godhead, in mercy recon- 
ciled with man, and with me in Christ, 
as I trust, my soul shall never forget. 
Glory, glory, glory be to the joyful de- 
liverer of my soul out of all adversities 
for ever. 

" In this estate do I now live ; my soul 
always in mine hand, ready to be offered 
to my God ; where, or what kind of death, 
God hath prepared for me I know not. 
But sure I am, there can be no evil death 
to him that liveth in Christ, nor sudden 
death to a Christian pilgrim, who, as Job 
says, every day waits for his change, yea, 
many a day have I sought it with tears, 
not out of impatience, distrust, or pertur- 
bation, but being weary of sin, and fearful 
to fall into it. Concerning those who 
have been my enemies without cause, and 
charged me with many wrongful impu- 



NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. XXI 

tations, from which my conscience clears 
me, excusing me of these things, love of 
gain and glory, or such like, whereof they 
accused me, the Lord lay it not to their 
charge. I go to my Father, and wish his 
blessing to them, to rectify their judg- 
ments, and moderate their affections, with 
true piety, from faith and love." 

Among the same papers were found 
three meditations, with which he comfort- 
ed himself, whilst he found his death 
approaching, written also with his own 
hand, and bearing date the seventh day 
of December, in the year 1618. 

" Now my soul be glad. At all parts 
of this prison, the Lord hath set to his 
pioneers to loose thee : head, feet, milt and 
liver are fast failing ; yea, the middle 
strength of the whole body, the stomach, 
is weakened long ago. Arise, make ready, 
shake off thy fetters, mount up from the 
body, and go thy way. 

" Let me tell you that which I know, 



XXII NOTICE OF THE AUTHOR. 

yea foreknow, yet I, after others, have 
foretasted before you. Death is somewhat 
dreary, and the streams of that Jordan 
between us and our Canaan run furiously ; 
out they stand still when the ark cometh. 
Let your anchor be cast within the veil, 
and fastened on the rock, Jesus." 

Upon Monday, February 15th, 1619, 
at one o'clock in the afternoon, feeling his 
strength and spirits to decay, after he had 
uttered a most heavenly prayer, in the 
company of those that were by him, he 
desired to be laid in bed (for the days be- 
fore he arose always, and either walked or 
sat in his chamber;) which being done,after 
he had again commended himself most 
devoutly to Almighty God, he took some 
quiet rest ; after which he spake not many 
words, but those he uttered, showed his 
memory and other senses to have been 
perfect, his tongue only failing him ; and 
in this manner, about seven o'clock at 
night, he rendered his soul to God in a 
most quiet and peaceable manner. 



COMFORT 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 



The Lord. My beloved, why fear-, 
est thou, and art so cast down and 
disquieted within thyself? Dost thou 
well to be angry with my chastise- 
ments ? And why art thou offended, 
that I should make thee like to my- 
self, causing thee to walk in that 
way of inward and outward griefs, 
which I did tread before thee ? Why 
refuse st thou to take up my cross and 
follow me, and to taste of that cup 
which I drank before thee, and for 
thee? 

The Soul O Lord, give me of thy 
Spirit, and all trouble with thee, or 

23 



24 COMFORT FOR 

for thee, shall be sweet unto me. 
Whatever thou didst bear, O Lord, 
it was for me ; and if I were so 
disposed as I should, then would I 
be content to bear all that thou, my 
God, shouldst please to lay on me. j 
But, alas ! it is my cursed corruption 
that makes me think thy cross my 
burthen. Lord, therefore, uphold 
me with thy grace, that I may count 
thy yoke easy, and find joy in these 
sufferings with thee ! 

The Lord. I know the cause of 
thy grief and terror to be the consid- 
eration of thy sins. But, I pray 
thee, why lookest thou so to thy sins, 
that thou lookest not also to my mer- 
cies ? Why wouldest thou so extol 
thy evil deeds, that thou shouldest 
extenuate my rich mercies, or in any 
way compare the one with the other ? 
Was it for thy good deeds that first 
I entered into friendship with thee ? 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 25 

and tliinkest thou now, that for thy 
evil deeds I will utterly forsake thee, 
seeing it is among my praises, that 
the work which I begin, I perfect? 
I like it well, indeed, to see thee 
grieved for the" sins thou hast done 
against me ; but I would have thee 
also comforted in the mercies that I 
have showed thee. Call to mind my 
works of old, and what I have done 
to thee since thou canst remember. 
How cared I for thee in thy young 
and tender years ! Look back now 
and see : did not the Angel of my 
presence lead thee, when thou hadst 
no wisdom nor strength to govern 
thee? Did I not then begin to 
acquaint thee with the knowledge 
and fear of my name ? Canst thou 
deny now that my mercy preserved 
thee from many sins whereunto thy 
nature was prone, and ready to have 
declined ? And when thou sinnedst, 

3 



26 COMFORT FOR 

with what long patience have I 
waited thy turning! and how lov- 
ingly have I borne with thy trans- 
gressions ! And when I had given 
thee grace to repent of thy sins, and 
to seek my favour and mercy for the 
sins of thy youth, with a melting 
heart and a mourning eye, canst 
thou deny that I have filled thy 
heart with my joys, and made thy 
tongue burst out in glorying speech ? 
And why, then, wilt thou not trust 
in my mercies to the end ? 

The Soul I were, O Lord, most 
unthankful, if I should not confess, 
that many a time in the multitude 
of my thoughts, thy mercies have 
comforted me : but, alas ! I have not 
answered thy loving kindness; for 
after many mercies received, I have 
sinned against thee, contrary to my 
light; and my sins are now before 
me, witnessing that I am unworthy 



THE HEAVr LADEN. 27 

to taste of the sweetness of thy 
mercy any more. 

The Lord. Is my mercy only for 
a day, or for a year ? or is it for ever 
and ever towards those whom I have 
made mine in Christ Jesus? Wilt 
thou restrain my mercies, and limit 
them within so narrow bounds, as to 
think they cannot be extended over 
all thy transgressions? Wilt thou 
measure my mercies with so narrow 
a span, as to think I have no more to 
give than thou hast a heart to receive? 
Is it not among my praises, that I am 
able to do exceeding abundantly 
above all that my children can ask or 
think of me ? Knowest thou not, that 
as the heavens are above the earth, so 
my thoughts are above thine ? Hast 
thou not considered that my mercy is 
above all my works ? How much 
more, then, is it above thee, who art 
nothing in comparison of my works ; 



28 COMFORT FOR 

and, if it be above thee, how much 
more above all that thou canst do ? 
Why, then, wilt thou match thy sins 
with my mercies ? If I require such 
mercy in my children, that I will have 
one of them to forgive another, not 
only seven times, but seventy times 
seven, what pity, and compassion, and 
readiness to forgive is in myself! 

Therefore, my beloved, despair 
not for the multitude of thy sins, 
but be comforted with my promises 
of mercy. I have made them without 
any exception of time ; for at what 
time soever a sinner doth repent him 
of his sins, I have promised to put 
away his wickedness out of my re- 
membrance. I have made them 
without exception of sins ; for al- 
though your sins were as scarlet, 
they shall be made as' white as snow. 
I have made them without exception 
of persons ; for, whosoever shall de- 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 29 

part from his wicked ways, and turn 
to me, I shall receive him. Let this 
threefold universality of my pro- 
mises sustain thee, that thy infidelity 
contract not my mercies into nar- 
rower bounds than I have extended 
them. 

The Soul. Be merciful, O Lord, 
to my infidelity. I believe in part. 
Lord, help my unbelief: establish 
and confirm my unstable heart with 
thy good and holy Spirit My con- 
science doth in such sort condemn 
me, that I stand in fear of thy 
justice ; for thou art greater than 
the conscience, and wilt much more 
condemn me, if thou dost enter into 
judgment with me. 

The Lord. Oh, my beloved, con- 
sider that the cause of thy present 
unquietness is because with the one 
eye thou lookest to thy sins and my 
Father's justice ; and with the other 



30 COMFORT FOR 

lookest not to me, in whom his 
justice is satisfied, and thy sins 
punished already. Tell me, I pray 
thee, thinkest thou to get in thyself, 
and the holiness of thy disposition, 
that which shall exempt thee from 
the fear of his justice ? Or, art 
thou content to seek it in me ? If 
in thyself thou seekest it, remember 
what thou art doing. Wilt thou 
have the Lord hound and obliged to 
thee ? Wilt thou be thine own sa- 
viour ? or shall it be said, His mercy 
saved thee not ? If no misery were 
in thee, whereupon should his mercy 
be manifested ? and if thy disposition 
in the earth were such as it should 
be, then what remaineth, but that 
the praise of his mercy should fall to 
the ground? Turn thee, therefore, 
to me, and seek thy life in me. 

If thou wilt know what is thine, 
thou art a sinner. Let my praise be 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 31 

reserved to myself: I am thy Sa- 
viour. Esteemest thou that my 
wounds are ineffectual ? or that there 
is no force in my sufferings ? Count- 
est thou thy sins so deadly, that my 
merit and virtue cannot cure them ? 
Will a physician pour out a rare 
ointment, either where no need is, 
or else where it cannot profit ? and 
thinkest thou that my Father would 
have my blood to be shed in vain ? 
If his justice terrify thee, remember 
his justice was satisfied in me, and 
that he pronounceth this sentence 
himself, " This is my well-beloved 
Son, in whom I am well pleased," 
Matt. iii. 17. I came into the world, 
not to call the righteous, but sinners 
to repentance, Matt, ix, 13. Tarry 
not from me, because thou art a 
sinner; but for that cause come to 
me, and I will refresh thee. 

The Soul O Lord, I know that 



COMFORT FOR 



there is a cleansing and reconciling 
virtue in thy blood — that life is in thy 
death; but still I fear my sins deserve 
thou shouldst neither apply thy vir- 
tue nor thy merits to me : for, alas ! 
I find that yet the old man is strong 
and lively in me, and that yet the 
motions of sin have power in me, to 
bring forth fruit unto death. 

The Lord, Be not, I pray thee, 
injurious to the work of my grace in 
thee : complain not so of thy cor- 
ruption, but that thou mayst give 
unto me my own praise. Canst 
thou deny but that thou hast felt my 
power working in thy soul ? Have 
I not sprinkled thy conscience many 
times with the pacifying blood of 
Christ, from which hath flowed to 
thee such a witnessing of good 
things, such a sense of mercy as for 
the time hath rilled thy heart with 
joy, and thy mouth with songs of 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 33 

praise ? Have I not sometimes stir- 
red thee up in great fervency to call 
on the name of the Lord ? Have 
I not made thee to give Christ's 
name a public testimony with thine 
own disadvantage ? and how oft hath 
thine heart been effectually moved 
at the hearing of my word, in such 
sort that it hath wrought in thee an 
holy remorse, and an inward con- 
trition for thy sins, which hath 
broken out into tears ? Have I not 
made thee a wrestler against thy 
inordinate lusts ! Have I not given 
thee strength many a time to stand 
against Satan's temptations, whereas 
if^I had left thee to thyself, how 
often hadst thou been made a prey 
to thine enemy ? 

Rememberest thou not that the 
tempter hath assaulted thee, but I 
have withdrawn the occasion of sin ? 
and when the occasion served, did 



34 COMPORT FOR 

not I restrain and hold back the 
tempter ? Yea, when both the tempt- 
er and occasion were present, have I 
not filled thy heart with the fear and 
love of my name, and so kept thee 
from sinning against me? And 
whereas, many times, of thy weak- 
ness thou hast offended, did I not 
with a melting heart, and mourning 
eye, raise thee again, and renew my 
former familiarity with thee, so that 
thou canst never say, from the first 
hour that I began to renew thee, that 
I suffered thee to lie in thy sin, as I 
have done others that are strangers 
from my grace? And many more 
notable effects of my working in 
thee thou canst not deny. 

Are not these the undoubted 
tokens of my grace in thee ? Will 
nature do such things ? May est thou 
not feel by these, that I have begun 
to apply to thee my merit for the 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 35 

remission of thy sin, and my virtue 
for quickening thee to a new life ? 
Therefore, think of thyself as basely 
as thou wilt, but let the work of my 
grace be esteemed of thee according 
to the excellency of it. Be humble 
and cast down when thou lookest to 
thine own corruption. I find no 
fault with thee, but I rejoice and am 
glad at the new workmanship which 
I have begun in thee. Indeed, if 
there were nothing in thee but that 
which thou hast of nature, thy estate 
were miserable ; but as thou seest a 
new workmanship in thee, be com- 
forted. Art thou so in darkness, 
that there is no light in thee? or 
doth sin so possess thee, that beside 
it, also, there is not in thee a will to 
do good, and a love to righteousness ? 
If thou sayest thou hast no sin in 
thee, thou art a liar; and if thou 
sayest that there is no other thing in 



36 COMFORT FOR 

thee but sin, thou art also a liar. 
And thinkest thou that seeing I have 
beo-un to translate thee from dark- 
ness into my light, and to make thee 
a new creature — thinkest thou that 
I will leave thee until I have done 
my work in thee? Therefore, my 
beloved ! give not such ear to Satan, 
or thine own corruption, as to take 
their testimony against me, or to 
make thee think that my pledges 
which I have given thee are not 
worthy of credit, that by them thou 
shouldst be assured of mercy. 

The Soul I cannot deny, O Lord, 
but that many times I have felt the 
sweetness of thy heavenly consola- 
tions, which have greatly rejoiced 
my soul. But, alas ! my grief is so 
much the greater, that, by mine own 
default, I should now be deprived of 
them : for I have grieved thy Holy 
Spirit; yea, I have done what I 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 37 

could to quench him : and therefore 
it is that the Comforter, who was 
wont to refresh my soul, is away, 
nor can I feel his presence with me 
as before. 

The Lord. Because I am not 
changed, therefore is it that ye, O 
sons of Jacob, are not consumed. 
Many indeed are the changes where- 
unto ye are subject, but I remain the 
same, and there is no shadow of 
alteration with me, (James i. 17). 
Be not, therefore, afraid, O my well- 
beloved, neither esteem thyself to be 
rejected of me; although sometime 
I hid my face from thee, all my 
ways are mercy and truth to mine. 
It is for thee that sometimes I go 
from thee ; and it is for thee that 
again I return unto thee : for if I 
come, it is for thy consolation, that 
continual heavines, through thy 
manifold temptations, should not 

4 



38 COMFORT FOR 

oppress thee. How oft hast thou 
found this, when thou wert sick of 
love, I have strengthened thee with 
the flagons of my wine, and comfort- 
ed thee with my apples ? My fruit 
hath been sweet in thy mouth, and 
I have put my left hand under thy 
head, and with my right hand I 
have embraced thee, Sol. Song ii. 
5, 6. 

But lest the greatness of my con- 
solations should exalt thee to disdain 
thy brother, and offend me, by im- 
puting that to thine own disposition, 
which thou hast of my dispensation, 
I have again withdrawn these orlo- 
rious feelings from thee. Give me 
the praise that I know best what is 
expedient for thee. Had my servant 
Paul need to be humbled with the 
buffets of Satan, lest he should have 
been exalted out of measure by the 
greatness of his revelations ? and hast 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 39 

not thou need that by thy inward 
exercises I should hold thee humble ? 
If my comfort were always present 
with thee, thou wouldest think thy 
heaven and permanent city were on 
earth, and so cease to inquire for a 
better to come : thou wouldst take 
the place of thy banishment for thy 
home, and the earnest for the princi- 
pal sum which I have promised thee. 
Consider this wisely with thyself, 
that although I smile not alike on 
thee at all times, and fill thee not 
always with my joys, yet I always 
love thee ; for whom I love, I love 
unto the end. If I close the door of 
my chamber upon thee, it is not to 
hold thee out, but to teach thee to 
knock. If I cover myself with many 
veils, that thou canst not see a 
glance of my loving countenance, it 
is only to stir thee up to seek me ; 
and if sometimes I seem to go from 



40 COMFORT FOR 

thee, it is to provoke thee to follow 
me, that thou mayest make haste 
from the earth to heaven, where thou 
shalt enjoy me without intermission. 
Was Joseph so wise as to conceal 
his tender affection from his brethren 
till he had brought them to an hum- 
ble acknowledging of their sin? And 
was he again so loving, that when 
he saw them humbled, his affections 
were inflamed, and compelled him 
to reveal himself unto them? and 
thinkest thou that I am less wise 
and loving in dealing with mine ? 

I gave, at the first, sharp answers 
to the petitions of that woman of 
Canaan, and so I sometimes seem to 
deal roughly with those whom I 
love, and to be angry even at their 
prayers ; but in the end I will make 
my love manifest to them, and with 
my endless mercies embrace them. 

The Soul Suffer me yet once 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 41 

again, Lord, to speak unto thee, that 
thou mayest answer me, and I shall 
complain no more. If we saw that 
such were our disposition, as thy 
holy word doth require in us, then 
should thy comforts rejoice us ; but, 
alas ! how far am I from that which 
I should be ! My strength is en- 
feebled, therefore do my inordinate 
affections ofttimes overcharge me. 
If I turn me to pray, I cannot for 
the hardness of my heart : the con- 
trite spirit, the melting heart, the 
mourning eye, are gone from me. 
If I seek comfort in thy word, I 
find it not. I am troubled also with 
doubtings; armies of fears and sor- 
rows are against me — and all through 
weakness of my faith ; for partly for 
want of that light that should inform 
me, my infidelity abuseth me, to 
think that thy visitations come from 
thine anger, and causeth me to an- 

4* 



42 COMFORT FOR 

swer the errors of my conscience, as 
if they were just accusations; and 
partly for want of that apprehending 
and applying virtue that is in faith, 
I am spoiled of the comfort that thy 
word hath offered unto me: there- 
fore, O Lord, have pity on the deso- 
late state of my soul. 

The Lord. Let not, my beloved, 
the consideration of thy wants, de- 
fects, and imperfections discourage 
thee : remember that the measure of 
grace which I have given to my 
saints upon earth, I have called it 
the first fruits of the Spirit, to tell 
them that whatever grace they have 
gotten, it is nothing in comparison 
of that which they will get. Seek 
not, therefore, that in the earth which 
I have resolved to give thee no ways 
till thou dost come to heaven. Thy 
blessedness in this life stands not in 
a satiety and full enjoying of that 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 43 

which thou wouldest have, but in 
an hungering and thirsting for it. 
If I had pronounced them blessed 
that are now satisfied with right- 
eousness, then thy wants might most 
justly have discouraged thee ; but I 
called them blessed that hunger. 
If, therefore, thou dost follow after 
sanctification, and art weary of the 
servitude of thy sin; if thou dost 
seek comfort in my word, and canst 
find none of these at the first, as 
thou wouldst ; yet remember I have 
promised to fulfil the desires of them 
that fear me. 

If it grieve thee, that thou canst 
not pray at all times alike, remem- 
ber that my children are oftentimes 
evil judges of themselves, and that 
their estate is not always to be mea- 
sured according to their feeling ; for 
many prayers may be made in them 
to me, by my Spirit, with sighs and 



44 COMFORT FOR 

sobs, which they themselves are not 
able to express, yet are known to 
me, and are like loud crying voices, 
which I cannot but answer. 

The Soul O, my soul, content 
thee with the Lord's dispensation, 
and doubt not but all thy wants and 
holy desires shall once be satisfied. 
Remember how careful thy Saviour 
was of those people that followed 
him. " I have compassion," saith 
he, "on this people, because they 
have continued with me already 
three days, and have nothing to eat : 
I will not let them depart fasting, 
lest they faint in the way," Mark 
viii. 1. Oh, most sweet and com- 
fortable speeches ! They seek not 
from him, and he is careful to give 
them. If he was so careful to satisfy 
their bodily necessities, will he ne- 
glect the spiritual necessities of his 
own? They followed him three 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 45 

days, and he counteth it a long 
time : they are to go from him, and 
he feareth lest they faint. O my 
distrustful soul, wilt thou once learn 
to trust in the mercy of thy God 
assuredly ? Will he not satiate thee, 
who seekest him ? Will he not answer 
thee, who criest unto him ? Will he 
not care for thee, who hast waited 
upon him, not three days, but many 
years ? And will he let thee faint in 
following him, who would not let 
them faint who were to go from 
him ? O sweet Saviour, happy are 
they who trust in thee. Lord, there- 
fore, increase my faith in thee, that 
nothing be able ever to sunder me 
from thee. 

The Lord. As for the weakness of 
thy faith, which I see is the ground 
of all thy trouble, it proceedeth 
either from the want of knowledge, 
or else from the want of application. 



46 COMFORT FOR 

It is, indeed, a special benefit to 
have the mind enlightened with true 
light. Seek, therefore, my light to 
shine unto thee by continual prayer 
and searching the Scriptures, that 
thou be not troubled with the error 
of conscience, as if it were a just 
accusation. I have set conscience, 
indeed, to be a warner unto thee; 
but then shalt thou take heed to her 
warnings, when they are warranted 
by my word. If the error of thy 
conscience terrify thee in anything, 
and make thee think that thy crosses 
and visitations do come from mine 
anger, go and inform conscience 
better by the word. Remember, 
whom I chastise, I love ; and when 
I chastise thee, I am not seeking a 
satisfaction to my justice. What mar- 
vel, such thoughts disquiet many? 
Consider, I pray thee, that notable 
promise of mine, made to my servant 
David, and, in him, to all the rest 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 47 

of my saints : — " If they break my 
statutes, I will visit their transgres- 
sions with the rod; yet my loving 
kindness will I not utterly take from 
him, neither break my covenant," 
Psa. lxxxix. 31—33. 
. The Soul O words full of comfort ! 
My soul, forget it never, that even 
when his rod is laid on thee, yet 
his loving kindness is not taken 
from thee; and though thy trans- 
gressions be many, yet will he not 
alter his covenant with thee. Re- 
member it, I say, that in thy trouble 
thou give no more place to these 
misconceptions of God's working for 
thee. As godly Job thought in his 
trouble that the Lord was pursuing 
him for his sins, and making him to 
possess the iniquities of his youth, 
which, as yet appears by the course 
of that history, was not the Lord's 
intention, so have I thought many 
times that the heavy hand of the 



4S COMFORT FOR 

Lord laid on me had proceeded from 
his wrath, as if he had shut up his 
tender mercy in displeasure from 
me for ever: but, Lord, let thy light 
abide with me, that I sin no more 
with such distrustful motions against 
thee ! And now, Lord, speak on 
yet further to thy servant, for thy 
comforts have rejoiced my soul 

The Lord, Now, concerning the 
weakness of thy faith in the appre- 
hension and the application of my 
promises, remember that I am He 
who w T ill not break the bruised reed, 
nor quench the smoking flax. What 
smaller thing is there than a grain 
of mustard seed? Although the 
measure of thy faith were no more, 
yet have I not excluded it from the 
participation of my promises. 

A loving father will delight to be 
holden by the hand of his tender 
child ; and knowest thou not that as 
a father spareth his son, so will the 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 49 

Lord spare them that fear him ? Mai. 
iii. 17. Hast thou not read, that 
although the faith of my servant 
Jacob was very weak, as thou may- 
est perceive by the great fear he 
conceived of Esau, yet his weak 
faith was able to hold me till I bles- 
sed him ? Be not therefore discour- 
aged ; for although thou canst not 
lay hold on me with the hand of 
strong faith, if thou canst but touch 
the hem of my garment with thy 
finger, thou shalt draw virtue out of 
me. Consider also with thyself, that 
the faith of my children is never 
greater than when their feeling is 
weakest and least perceived. It is 
easier for every one to believe in the 
midst of glorious feelings and un- 
speakable joys; but when a man 
can feel no sensible comfort in me, 
and yet believeth in me, and waiteth 
on me for comfort, certainly the 
5 



50 COMFORT FOR ' 

faith of that man is great. And 
such was the faith of my servant, 
who, in his greatest trouble, gave 
me this answer: — Although thou 
wouldest slay me, O Lord, yet, both 
against sense and feeling, will I 
trust in thee ! And did not, also, 
that woman of Canaan, with invin- 
cible faith, cleave to my mercy, even 
then when she had no feeling of 
mercy, and I gave her no favourable 
answer, for which in the end I called 
her faith a great faith? 

The Soul. O my Saviour, thou 
art the strength whereby I stand in 
temptation. Cursed be he that would 
make my soul to conceive wrong- 
fully of thee. Be merciful, O Lord, 
unto me, and never let the malice 
of mine enemy prevail over me. 
Sweet Jesus, keep the heart that 
through thine own grace would fain 
keep thee. And now, my soul, re- 
member that this is but the time of 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 51 

fighting : the time of triumphing 
will come. Why, then, shall the 
continuance of these restless assaults 
disquiet thee ? If thou hadst never 
been victorious but once in all thy 
lifetime, yet what mercy had it been 
that the Lord, in the midst of the 
battle, should make thee to triumph ? 
But thou canst not deny that many 
joyful victories, now and before, hath 
the Lord given thee. 

Therefore now, my soul, rejoice 
and return to thy former rest, for the 
Lord hath been beneficial to thee ; 
and account thou every one of these 
temporal victories a pledge to thee 
of that full and final victory that 
once thou shalt enjoy over all thine 
enemies, when the God of peace shall 
tread down Satan under thy feet. 

The Soul rejoiceth in the Lord. 

O Lord, if such comfort be in thy 
cross, what is in thy crown? And 



52 COMFORT FOR 

if thou dost give us such joy, when 
thou takest us into thy hand to 
correct us with thy rod, Lord, what 
wilt thou make us to find when thou 
shalt embrace us in thy arms, to 
kiss us with the kisses of thy mouth ? 
Oh, that these feelings migdit for 
ever abide with me ! What trouble 
would not be easy where thy com- 
forts are present ! Surely, O Lord, 
all trouble vanisheth so soon as thou 
dost begin to glance upon my soul. 
Therefore, O my love, my light, my 
life, my joy, my crown, my glory, 
my strength, my help in the time 
of need, stand thou on my side, and 
I will not fear what my enemy can 
do to me ! Oh, happy time that 
ever I knew thee ! Blessed be the 
name of the Lord for evermore. 

The Soul doth triumph over Satan. 

O Satan, my enemy ! although 
thine enmity be troublesome unto 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 53 

me, yet I thank my God, through 
Jesus Christ, that thou art against 
me, and that he hath put me in his 
warfare to ficdit against thee. 

When I consider that in Paradise 
the Lord proclaimed irreconcilable 
enmity between thee and my blessed 
Saviour, the seed of the woman, 
Christ Jesus, I account my hope 
happy that thou art against me; and 
that grace is given unto me to fight 
against thee, for thereby I know 
that I am none of thine; but I do 
stand on that side whereof Christ is 
the Captain, all his saints are sol- 
diers, and the victory is most certain. 

O deceitful serpent ! if I have 
found such error arising of those 
sins, which foolishly I did by thy 
enticements, what should I have 
found if I had followed thee in all 
the rest, from the which the Lord's 
preventing mercies did keep me? 



54 COMFORT FOR 

I have learned by experience that 
thou art a faithless traitor : thou dost 
tempt a man to sin, and for the same 
sins, which he did by thy instiga- 
tion, thou art the first that doth 
accuse him. | 

The Lord confirm this good pur- j 
pose of my heart, that I never heark- 
en any more to thy lying words, and 
suffer not my soul to be circum- 
vented with thy deceitful snares. 
And as for the work of my salvation, 
seeing it is a work that my God 
will work in despite of thee, where- 
fore shall I regard thy testimony? 
Thou didst put it in question to my 
Saviour, whether or no he was the 
Son of God ; and what marvel if 
thou darest say to his children, that 
they are none of his ? Is there any 
truth so undoubted but thou darest 
deny it at any time? Why, therefore, 
shall I enter into disputing with thee 
any more? My salvation standeth 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 55 

neither in thy questioning, nor in 
my answering ; but upon the Lord's 
unchangeable decree of election. 

If thou shouldest speak for me, 
yet should I not be the better ; 
neither if thou speak against me, 
am I the worse. When thou didst 
confess that Jesus was the Son of God, 
he rebuked thee, and thought it no 
honour to him to have thy testimony. 
When thou didst cry out that Paul 
and Silas were the servants of the 
most high God, although thou spak- 
est the truth, yet did they not accept 
of thy testimony ; so, although thou 
wouldest say to me, that I was the 
elect child of God, shall I think my- 
self the surer for that? and if, on 
the contrary, thou dost deny it, am I 
therefore the more unsure of salva- 
tion? Speak what thou wilt, thou 
art always like thyself, thou hast 
been a liar from the beffinniner. 
Cursed of the Lord art thou in all 



56 COMFORT FOR 

thy ways, and with all thy confeder- 
ates ; cursed are they that are in 
friendship with thee ; and blessed for 
ever be the Lord, who hath delivered 
me from thy deceit and tyranny. 

The Conclusion of the Dialogue. 

Blessed be thou, Lord, for that 
it hath pleased thee to visit the base 
estate of thy servant, to succour me 
in my distress, and to comfort me 
with thy mercies. Lord, evermore 
feed me with this manna, and refresh 
me with the springs of the water of 
life. Show at all times some sign 
of thy mercy on me, that mine 
enemy Satan, who laboureth to dis- 
quiet me, may be ashamed, because 
thou art with me to succour me. 

A comfortable Meditation. 

If ye will mark and consider, ye 
shall find that the children of God, 
in all their temptations, are not so 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 57 

much doers with their will, as suf- 
ferers against their will. This cogi- 
tation coming to my mind, suddenly 
comfort did spring in the midst 
of trouble, God giving me grace 
to understand that these motions 
wherewith I am troubled were not 
so much actions done by me ; for, in 
truth, neither do I like or allow of 
them, but as spiritual oppressions 
of mine enemy, who still warreth 
against me, sometimes with armies 
of fears, sometimes with armies of 
doubtings, and sometimes with bands 
of unclean and wandering motions, 
and sometimes with troops of worldly 
cares making invasion upon my soul, 
and labouring to quench the spark 
of spiritual life which the Lord had 
begun in me. Therefore, answer for 
me, O Lord, for I suffer violence. 
My enemy would oppress me, but 
Lord, my hope for ever is in thee : 
succour me with thy strength, and I 



58 COMFORT FOR 

shall live. And, Lord, impute not 
to me any of those sinful motions 
which my enemy raiseth in me 
against my soul. 

Consider this wisely, O my soul, 
and remember it. God that hath 
entered thee into this warfare, and is 
thy spectator and helper, will never 
reckon up to thee Satan's deeds for 
thine ; and learn thou wisely how to 
distinguish them, and faint not for 
them; but comfort thyself as long 
as thou art able to stand to thy pro- 
testation, that thou dost suffer vio- 
lence in them, and canst say with 
the apostle, "It is not I, but sin 
that dwelleth in me," Rom. vii. 20. 
O Lord, deliver me from the rage of 
this spiritual tyranny. Many a 
time have I looked to have been 
swallowed up, but thou hast sus- 
tained me. Blessed be my God for 
ever, and the Lord be my strength 
to the end ! 



THE HEAVY LADEN. 59 

A Prayer. 
O Lord, how can it be possible 
that my soul can live here in this 
absence from thee? or walk in the 
midst of these continual snares, or 
stand against these raging tempta- 
tions, except it please thee now and 
then to show thy face unto me ? 
Joseph's state in prison was not so 
heavy as mine ; his temptations in 
Potiphar's house were not so contin- 
ual as mine are; and Daniel's fear 
in the midst of lions was no greater 
than mine, who every day taste of a 
thousand deaths. Jeremiah, in his 
dark dungeon, was not vexed with 
such horrors as daily gather them- 
selves against me. The only com- 
fort of my soul is in thy mercies. 
Thou wast with Joseph, and there- 
fore the prison was more pleasant to 
him than Potiphar's palace. Thou 
wast with Daniel, and therefore the 
raging lions were peaceable to him. 



60 COMFORT FOR THE HEAVY LADEN. 

Lord, be with me, and increase thy 
strength in my soul, and I shall live. 
Though the time be not yet come 
wherein I shall appear in thy pres- 
ence and see thee, yet, Lord, let me 
have in this land of my pilgrimage 
those glances of thy sweet and lov- 
ing countenance that may sustain 
me : for thou, Lord, art able to let 
me see as much joy in thy sweet 
face in one hour as may sustain me 
for ever ; and without this sight, 
how can my faith but fail, my hope 
but hover, and my life but languish ? 
Therefore, O Lord, hide not thy face 
from my soul for ever : but as thou 
dost acquaint me with troubles, so let 
me see at all times, that as my suffer- 
ings do abound in me, so my consola- i 
tions may abound through Christ Je- 
sus. I know thou always beholdest me J 
in mercy; but,Lord,letme see that thou 
lookest upon me, that I may feel thy 
mercies sweet unto my soul. Amen. 



THE 

INTOLERABLENESS 

OP 

A WOUNDED CONSCIENCE. 



Not only the desperate cries of 
Cain, Judas, and many other such 
miserable men of forlorn hope, but 
also the woful complaints even of 
God's own dear children, discover the 
truth of this point, to wit, the terrors 
and intolerableness of a wounded 
conscience. Hear how ruefully three 
ancient worthies in their times wrest- 
led with the wrath of God in this 
kind. "I reckoned till morning," 
saith Hezekiah, " that, as a lion, so 
will he break all my bones," (Isa. 

*From " A Treatise on Comforting Afflicted Con- 
sciences," by the Rev. Robert Bolton. 

G 61 



62 THE INTOLERABLENESS OP 

xxxviii. 13.) Even as the weak and 
trembling limbs of some lesser ne- 
glected beast are crushed and torn 
in pieces by the irresistible paw of 
an unconquerable lion ; so was his 
troubled soul terrified and broken 
with the anger of the Almighty. 
He could not speak for bitterness of 
grief and anguish of heart, "but 
chattered like a crane or a swallow, 
and mourned like a dove," "Thou 
writest bitter things against me," 
saith Job, " and makest me to possess 
the iniquities of my youth. The 
arrows of the Almighty are within 
me, the poison whereof drinketh up 
my spirit : the terrors of God do set 
themselves in array against me. Oh 
that I might have my request ; and 
that God would grant me the thing 
that I long for ! Even that it would 
please God to destroy me, that he 
would let loose his hand and cut me 



A WOUNDED CONSCIENCE. 63 

off." Nay, yet worse : " Thou scarest 
me with dreams and terriflest me 
through visions. So that my soul 
chooseth strangling and death rather 
than my life." (Job xiii. 26 ; vi. 4, 
8, 9; vii. 14, 15.) Though God in 
mercy preserves his servants from 
the monstrous and most abhorred 
act of self-murder, yet in some me- 
lancholy mood, horror of mind, and 
bitterness of spirit, they are not quite 
freed from all impatient wishes that 
way, and sudden suggestions there- 
unto. " My bones waxed old," saith 
David, " through my roaring all the 
day long. Day and night thy hand 
was heavy upon me; my moisture 
is turned into the drought of summer. 
Thine arrows stick fast in me, and 
thy hand presseth me sore. There 
is no soundness in my flesh, because 
of thine anger : neither is there any 
rest in my bones, because of my sin. 



64 THE INTOLERABLENESS OP 

For mine iniquities are gone over 
my head : as an heavy burthen they 
are too heavy for me. I am troubled, 
I am bowed down greatly; I go 
mourning all the day long. I am 
feeble and sore broken, I have roared 
by reason of the disquietness of my 
heart." (Psalm xxxii. 3, 4; xxxviii. 
2, 3, 4, 6, 8.) Hear also into what 
a depth of spiritual distress three 
worthy servants of God in these 
later times were plunged and pressed 
down, under the sense of God's anger 
for sin. Blessed Mrs. Brettergh upon 
her last bed was horribly hemmed in 
with the sorrows of death ; the very 
grief of hell laid hold upon her soul; 
"a roaring wilderness of woe was 
within her," as she confessed of 
herself. She said, her sins had made 
her a prey to Satan, and wished that 
she had never been born, or that she 
had been made any other creature, 



A WOUNDED CONSCIENCE. 65 

rather than a woman. She cried 
out many times, " Woe, woe, woe, 
&c. ; a weak, a woful, a wretched, 
a forsaken woman !" with tears con- 
tinually trickling from her eyes. 
Mr. Peacock, that man of God, in 
that his dreadful visitation and de- 
sertion, recounting some smaller sins, 
burst out into these words : " And 
for these," saith he, " I feel now a 
hell in my conscience." Upon other 
occasions he cried out, groaning 
most pitifully ; "Oh me, wretch ! 
Oh mine heart is miserable ! Oh, 
oh, miserable and woful ! The bur- 
then of my sin lieth so heavy upon 
me, I doubt it will break my heart. 
Oh how woful and miserable is my 
state, that thus must converse with 
hell-hounds!" When by-standers 
asked if he would pray, he answered, 
I cannot. Suffer us, say they, to 
pray for you. " Take not," replied 



66 THE INTOLERABLENESS OP 

he, "the name of God in vain, by 
praying for a reprobate." 

" What grievous pangs, what sor- 
rowful torments, what boiling heats 
of the fire of hell that blessed saint 
of God, John Glover, felt inwardly 
in his spirit," saith Fox, in his Acts 
and Monuments, " no speech out- 
wardly is able to express. Being 
young," saith he, "I remember I 
was once or twice with him, when 
partly by his talk I perceived, and 
partly by mine own eyes saw him to 
be so worn and consumed by the space 
of five years, that neither almost any 
brooking of meat, quietness of sleep, 
pleasure of life, yea, and almost no 
kind of senses, was left in him. 
Upon apprehension of some back- 
sliding he was so perplexed, that if 
he had been in the deepest pit of 
hell, he could almost have despaired 
no more of his salvation," saith the 



A WOUNDED CONSCIENCE. 67 

same author. "In which intolerable 
griefs of mind," saith he, " although 
he neither had, nor could have any 
joy of his meat; yet was he com- 
pelled to eat against his appetite, to 
the end to defer the time of his 
damnation so long as he might, 
thinking with himself no less, but 
that he must needs be thrown into 
hell, the breath being once out of 
his body." 

I dare not pass out of this point, 
lest some child of God should be 
here discouraged, before I tell you 
that every one of these three last 
named was at length blessedly re- 
covered, and did rise most gloriously 
out of their several depths of ex- 
tremest spiritual misery, before their 
end. Hear, therefore, also Mrs. 
Brettergh's triumphant songs and 
raptures of spirit after the return of 
her well-beloved : " O Lord Jesus, 



68 THE 1NT0LERABLENESS OP 

dost thou pray for me ? O blessed 
and sweet Saviour, how wonderful, 
how wonderful, how wonderful are 
thy mercies! Oh, thy love is un- 
speakable, that has dealt so gra- 
ciously with me. Oh my Lord and 
my God, blessed be thy name for 
evermore, w\hich hast showed me 
the path of life. Thou didst, O 
Lord, hide thy face from me for a 
little season, but with everlasting 
mercy thou hast had compassion on 
me. And now, blessed Lord, thy 
comfortable presence is come; yea, 
Lord, thou hast had respect unto 
thy handmaid, and art come with 
fulness of joy and abundance of con- 
solations. Oh blessed be thy name, 
my Lord and my God. Oh, the 
joys, the joys, the joys that I feel in 
my soul! Oh, they be wonderful, 
they be wonderful, they be wonder- 
ful! Father, how merciful and 



A WOUNDED CONSCIENCE. 69 

marvellous gracious art thou unto 
me ! Yea, Lord, I feel thy mercy 
and I am assured of thy love ; and 
so certain am I thereof, as thou art 
the God of truth, even so sure do I 
know myself to be thine, O Lord 
my God: and this my soul knoweth 
right well. Oh blessed be the Lord : 
oh blessed be the Lord that hath 
thus comforted me, and hath brought 
me now to a place, more sweet unto 
me than the garden of Eden. Oh 
the joy, the joy, the delightsome joy 
that I feel ! — Oh praise the Lord for 
his mercies, and for this joy which 
my soul feeleth full well ; praise his 
name for evermore." 

Hear with what heavenly calmness 
and sweet comforts Mr. Peacock's 
heart was refreshed and ravished 
when the storm was over. " Truly, 
my heart and soul (saith he, when 
the tempest was something allayed) 



70 THE INTOLERABLENESS OP 

have been far led and deeply troubled 
with temptations and stings of con- 
science ; but I thank God they are 
eased in good measure. Wherefore 
I desire that I be not branded with 
the note of a castaway or reprobate. 
Such questions, oppositions, and all 
tending thereto, I renounce. Con-' 
cerning my inconsiderate speeches 
in my temptation, I humbly and 
heartily ask mercy of God for them 
all." Afterward by little and little 
more light did arise in his heart, and 
he brake out into such speeches as 
these : "I do, God be praised, feel 
such comfort from that — what shall 
I call it ? Agony, said one that stood 
by. Nay, quoth he, that is too little; 
that had I five hundred worlds, I 
could not make satisfaction for such 
an issue. Oh the sea is not more 
full of water, nor the sun of light, 
than the Lord of mercy; yea, his 



A WOUNDED CONSCIENCE. 71 

mercies are ten thousand times more. 
What great cause have I to magnify 
the great goodness of God that hath 
humbled, nay rather exalted such a 
wretched miscreant, and of so base 
condition, to an estate so glorious 
and stately ! The Lord hath hon- 
oured me with his goodness : I am 
sure he hath provided a glorious 
kingdom for me. The joy that I 
feel in my heart is incredible." 

For the third, hear Mr. Fox : 
" Though that good servant of God, 
Mr. John Glover, suffered many 
years so sharp temptations and strong 
bufferings of Satan, yet the Lord, 
who graciously preserved him all the 
while, not only at last did rid him 
out of all discomfort, but also framed 
him thereby to such mortification 
of life, as the like hath not been 
seen ; in such sort, as he being like 
one placed in heaven already, and 



72 THE INTOLERABLENESS, ETC. 

dead in this world, both in word and 
meditation, led a life altogether celes- 
tial, abhorring in his mind all pro- 
fane things." 



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